Limits (BDSM)

In BDSM, limits refer to those activities that participants in a BDSM scene feels strongly about, and to which special attention must be paid.

Before a BDSM scene, it is common for participants to negotiate an outline of what activities will and will not take place during the play session. At that stage, the participants outline what they desire and what they will not tolerate, and limits are determined. For example, it is common to set a time limit on the session, to set a safe word and to prohibit activity involving non-consenting 3rd parties, besides other things.

Contents

Types of limits

Both dominants and submissives can set limits. Limits can be agreed to verbally or they can be incorporated into a formal contract.

Though the terminology can vary, common types of limits include:

Hard Limit – something that must not be done. Violating a hard limit is often considered just cause for ending a scene or even a relationship. Examples include “scat is a hard limit for me” or “I have a back injury, so striking on the back is a hard limit”.
Soft Limit – something that someone will do only in special circumstances or when highly aroused. Example - “I will only do anal sex with a very experienced partner”.
"Must" limit – something that a person will not do the scene without. Examples include “lots of hair pulling is a must-limit for me” or “If you’re going to flog me, I’ll need lots of aftercare”.
Time limit – an amount of time after which play ceases.
No Limits – the dominant may do anything he or she cares to with the submissive. This is usually a sign of an inexperienced player who does not yet know what their limits are. In reality, even the most hardened and experienced players have limits. “No limits” play is more the stuff of porn and thriller movies than in actual, real-life BDSM. This is also sometimes used as a term for TPE or Total Power Exchange.

See also

References and further reading

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